Need to learn to let go...

...but I can't.

Foundation is officially over, and this time, it's really confusing for me. Should I be happy that I am not at the sharp end of the blade called "deadlines" or should I be sad that I won't be seeing those whom are dear to me for a long time?

I originally planned to go back home, Pahang, tomorrow but I can't bear my current feelings. So I've decided to go home today. In a few hours, I'll be going to the bus central hub in KL to get my bus tickets.

I won't be going online, updating the blog or even checking Facebook once I get home. I need to be in seclusion for sometime to let my feelings for my friends to subside, they're too strong at the moment.

O happy days...

Foundation is nearing to an end, with the final examination next week. Instead of studying, I've just been browsing through the truckloads of pictures taken by my coursemates. There are currently 7 tabs open in my FireFox browser. One has MouseHunt open, BlogSpot is another one and the remaining 5 are photo albums from 5 different coursemates.

It's weird. All my 5 years of being in high school, and I never felt the way I am feeling now after just only 11 months with these group of friends that I now consider my second family.

We've all had our frictions with one another, throughout all 3 semesters, even now we still do. Drama sprung about even in the first semester. It got worse in the second semester. Now in our last semester together, everyone seems to be even closer together. Perhaps the thought of knowing we are not going to see each other, brought up a form of mutual truce among us.

We've fought with one another, had our own personal clashes and vendettas; I certainly have. I've fought with basically half the class by the end of the second semester. It might have severed relationships, and if it did, I'm truly sorry.

There were those that pulled me through tough times, and if it weren't for them, I might have been lost...more than usual haha ;~;

It's funny. Before this year, I've don't ever talk to girls (aside from the ****ing ****** that ended up ****ing using me)...not as much as I did in this year. Now, these girls are those that I'm really close to, excluding mom and cousins. The guys to girl ratio in class is 1:3, but I didn't see this coming...

My only regrets are that I wasted too much time in getting to know the others in my class. Some I've only actually talked to and became friends with in this last semester, when it could have started way back at the beginning of the first semester. Wasted too much precious time...

I would trade my soul to relive this year again and to correct the mistakes I have done...

I wonder what its going to be like on Friday next week, once our final paper is over with...

Indians and their Moms...

 

@_@...

Yeah, me and my mom share a special bond. A bond where she openly shows she cares for me and I subliminally show the same thing back...but with emoticons and awkward looks.

Kinda weird, but it seems to me that Indian guys are super close to their moms @_@ No bad intentions towards the Chinese...and (lol) to the Malays, but it is what it is.

Like from what I experience in National Service (lol), the Indian guys that I made friends with, basically all that were in camp, all missed their moms within the first month. It decreased as it entered the second month, but the feeling of wanting to see our moms were there. As for the Chinese and (lol) Malay guys, I think they erased any memories of their moms entirely, maybe except a few.

Mind you, these guys were from KL i.e. city folks.

There was a 1 week break for Chinese New Year last year while at camp, and before we went back, we sort of recovered from that feeling. Then we came back, and we had that feeling of wanting to see our moms again -______________-

Ye, Indian guys crumble without their moms.

Lyfe...

Life is a funny never-ending road, with unexpected twists and turns.

The funniest in my life would be...wait for it...National Service

=o

Though I did make some close friends there, and almost got seriously injured (involves broken glass and pissed off inbred Malays), it was one funny journey nonetheless.

From sneaking out of our dorms in the middle of the night, creeping behind the row of dorms, right beside an abandoned cemetery, to joining other friends in another dorm to drink (lol). T'was good.

Not that I want to take that journey again, even if I was offered a million dollars, or even if a gun was pointed at me at point blank range. Those that didn't go for it, are some lucky bastards.

True to myself, I have to make an emo post. So here it is:

Spot the difference...

That's my brother. So go ahead and spot the difference. God loves me so much see, He loves me so much that I got a brother like that. I'm SO proud of Him. In the word's of the girls from the camp I was sentenced to (notice the use of the word "sentenced"), "He's soooooooooooo cute. I wonder what he'll look like in 10 years time".

Yeah. I ****ing wonder the same ****ing thing too >:(.

"Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned." 

- Tyler Durden

When you're an Indian...

...you expected something good and wonderful? F that.

When you're an Indian, ESPECIALLY in Malaysia, you get stereotyped to the point it seems ridiculous that it can get any worse. Us Indians are the the equivalent of African-Americans. If there was a way of collecting every single Indian in Malaysia and exchanging them with all the African-Americans in the U.S., Indians would be better off there than here.

"Which is the most violent race in Malaysia?" If someone were to say that, and you heard it, the first thing that comes to your mind is "Indians". You are an ignorant fuck if that crossed your mind. Did you know that the Malay population has the highest number of criminals and crimes perpetrated by them? Sure they breed and fuck one another more than a rabbit does and comprise of the largest race in Malaysia, but the statistics are everything.

But no...Indians are stereotyped as the most violent race.

I can't say how many times I've looked at how others look at me, and think to myself, "Bet you're scared aren't you, you piece of meat?" Sometimes being stereotyped is actually an advantage, especially when you know you raise the senses of others when you're around. You can actually see their faces going, "Is he carrying a parang (machete) with him?"

Then there's the skin color factor that plays a part in this stereotyping. Generally, I think humans fear dark things. Why else would kids be scared of the dark? Sure Indians aren't as dark as their African-American stereotyped equivalents, but we still instill fear. Our skin colour coupled with our hairy features (not me, I seems to lack the hairy genes), seems to set off the panic bombs in others.

Let's not forget the most vital part of getting stereotyped as an Indian; we are known as drunks and wife beaters.

yeye...

Sometimes I wonder the reason why girls are generally afraid of me is because I'm an Indian, and in their tiny brains, that message travels through their microscopic neurons up to their cerebral cortex and finally registers as, "He will probably be beating his partner/girlfriend/wife in 10 years time."

You don't even have to drink or be married to be stereotyped as that. Matter of fact, I think when I was born, even the nurses and the doctor thought to themselves, "He's going to be a wife beater in 30 years or so."

I won't lie, there were times I wondered what I did to be born as an Indian.

They deserve better...

Had a speaking test in college today, as a part of my IELTS program in college. The test was in a form of rotation, with 10 minutes for each person. The rotation time for my test was at 9.30-9.40 a.m..

I left home/bus stop at 7.50. Now the interesting part.

At the 2nd stop on my bus route, an elderly man got on the bus. As the bus was full, I was standing at the back exit of the bus, with a dumb face -_-. Now I saw this man moving really slow, as in REALLY slow towards the bus. After a while, he got in and the bus started moving.

Now the part that really ticked me off. (refer to picture below)

Don't laugh at my drawing -_-

The faggots sitting in the front portion of the bus didn't even bother getting their fat asses off their respective seats to give the old man a seat. Like what the ****...no one. Then the guy with the red "Good" stood up and gave the old guy a seat.

How can we become so cold hearted towards senior citizens? Have we lost all moral values to care about them? Did your mother not ****ing teach you to care for senior folks? O wait, you sent your mom to the Old Folks Home didn't you, faggot...

It's no ****ing wonder why there are lesser and lesser open Old Folks Home around. WE JUST EFFIN STUFF THEM IN THERE!!!

We shouldn't forget. One day, we too will grow old. What goes around, come's around bitches...

Back when we were kids...

...you would buy those 20 cent rubber erasers, and play "Lawan Pemadam" with your fellow primary schoolmates.

...you would go beyond your capability to get those super cool Pilot Shaker mechanical pens, as far as stealing.

...you wanted to be one of the cool kids who had a Digimon handheld game.

...you wanted to have Pokemon cards, when you didn't even know how to play it.

...you would run from house to house during festivities in the middle of the night, and throw firecrackers in there.

...you would go around with friends, trying to catch grasshoppers and other insects. Scoring one of those huge grasshoppers made you look tougher.

...you would cycle to the highest peak of an elevated road with friends. Cycling down at full speed and performing a sharp turn, was the thrill of the day.

...you would go over to that one friends house, you know, the friend with the toys you don't have. Play with his PSone (PlayStation 1) and his Nintendo 64 till  late night.

...you would play football with your group of friends in the park nearby, even as the rain beat down on your back.

...you had that special hangout spot in school.

...you would do something that was funny to you and friends. Then you come home and get caned till the rotan breaks, cause apparently, it wasn't funny to your parents...and the teachers...and the babysitter.

...you weren't exposed to the horrors of media influence and everything you did was done without a care in the world. How you wore clothes. How you looked. How you thought girls think of you and vice versa.

How I wish I could go back to when I was staying in Gombak and re-live that life...

Forever...

"..apparently fat and funny isnt in fashion anymore…"

- Yugi